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Published on December 2nd, 2013 | by Apuntes LJ

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I Will Never Be Beautiful Enough to Make Us Beautiful Together

Selected Poems by Mira Gonzalez

About the Author
Mira Mira Gonzalez [b. 1992] is from Los Angeles, California. Her work has been published widely in print and online.

heartbroken people with extreme personality flaws

I want to feel orgasms in the tip of my nose and the back of my ear

in the cartilage between the vertebrae that make up my spinal column

would you stare at my face for two hours without blinking

standing on the splintery wooden porch of the house where I was born

we are craving a certain unachievable density in emotions

subtle gestures that suggest something complex and vague

I will kiss you everywhere and recklessly

under an avocado tree in the hole I dug in my dad’s backyard when I

was seven

here are some things that I would like to touch

clavicle bones, backs of knees, adam’s apples, the spaces between

fingers

together we will have this extremely beautiful sensation

of being twice as frail as we once were

and it will feel like the first time you ever had a cold

the last time you tasted grape flavored cough syrup

a light pink fever

 

I will inevitably ruin our relationship

you and I slept on a couch together

we were at a friend’s house

I had consumed and indiscernible amount of alcohol

I don’t remember you getting on the couch with me

I remember waking up and seeing that someone was next to me

and my head was in the space between his arm and his chest

I felt warm and dizzy

I adjusted my body and realized that it was you

my face was looking up at your face

I wasn’t thinking about anything

life was progressing against my perception of time

I had no idea how long I had been asleep

you started kissing me

I had this specific shitty feeling

I closed my eyes and thought about virtual particles

that cease to exist when they are not observed

the momentum of a virtual particle is uncertain according to the

uncertainty principle

it is also uncertain whether or not I existed while I was kissing you

you are my friend and I am not supposed to be kissing you

you said ‘do you want to have sex?’

I said ‘no’ and immediately felt guilty

our mouths were dry and smelled like alcohol

you grabbed me through my soft cotton shirt

we didn’t pretend to feel aroused

you grabbing me does not affect the world in any way

in the morning you showed me cuts on your back

and told me that you had blacked out the night before

 

To purchase Mira’s book, I Will Never Be Beautiful Enough to Make Us Beautiful Together, go to Sorry House or Amazon

Catch Mira on Tumblr or Twitter

Photo of Mira courtesy of Dimitri Karakostas

Photo of book courtesy of Sorry House


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