I Will Never Be Beautiful Enough to Make Us Beautiful Together
Selected Poems by Mira Gonzalez
| About the Author | |
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Mira Gonzalez [b. 1992] is from Los Angeles, California. Her work has been published widely in print and online. |
heartbroken people with extreme personality flaws
I want to feel orgasms in the tip of my nose and the back of my ear
in the cartilage between the vertebrae that make up my spinal column
would you stare at my face for two hours without blinking
standing on the splintery wooden porch of the house where I was born
we are craving a certain unachievable density in emotions
subtle gestures that suggest something complex and vague
I will kiss you everywhere and recklessly
under an avocado tree in the hole I dug in my dad’s backyard when I
was seven
here are some things that I would like to touch
clavicle bones, backs of knees, adam’s apples, the spaces between
fingers
together we will have this extremely beautiful sensation
of being twice as frail as we once were
and it will feel like the first time you ever had a cold
the last time you tasted grape flavored cough syrup
a light pink fever
I will inevitably ruin our relationship
you and I slept on a couch together
we were at a friend’s house
I had consumed and indiscernible amount of alcohol
I don’t remember you getting on the couch with me
I remember waking up and seeing that someone was next to me
and my head was in the space between his arm and his chest
I felt warm and dizzy
I adjusted my body and realized that it was you
my face was looking up at your face
I wasn’t thinking about anything
life was progressing against my perception of time
I had no idea how long I had been asleep
you started kissing me
I had this specific shitty feeling
I closed my eyes and thought about virtual particles
that cease to exist when they are not observed
the momentum of a virtual particle is uncertain according to the
uncertainty principle
it is also uncertain whether or not I existed while I was kissing you
you are my friend and I am not supposed to be kissing you
you said ‘do you want to have sex?’
I said ‘no’ and immediately felt guilty
our mouths were dry and smelled like alcohol
you grabbed me through my soft cotton shirt
we didn’t pretend to feel aroused
you grabbing me does not affect the world in any way
in the morning you showed me cuts on your back
and told me that you had blacked out the night before
To purchase Mira’s book, I Will Never Be Beautiful Enough to Make Us Beautiful Together, go to Sorry House or Amazon
Catch Mira on Tumblr or Twitter
Photo of Mira courtesy of Dimitri Karakostas
Photo of book courtesy of Sorry House
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